


failure by design

by selvish



Series: your favorite weapon (2001) [2]
Category: Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Alternate Universe - 2000s, Angst with a Happy Ending, Boys Kissing, Intentionally Chaotic Narration, Karl Jacobs Has Anxiety, M/M, Underage Drinking, Underage Smoking, implied/referenced dissociation, is that a tag? i dunno man i just work here
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-08
Updated: 2021-02-08
Packaged: 2021-03-13 12:34:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,452
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29278524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/selvish/pseuds/selvish
Summary: You look like shit, dude, no offense." Sapnap says to him one afternoon, sitting down next to him in their shared Home Economics class. The teacher glares at him from across the room, but he seems unbothered by it. When he opens up his backpack, Karl notices bruises on his right hand."Says you." He bites back, starting to chew on one of his nails. "What happened to your hand?"The younger boy freezes for a moment, then pulls the class binder out to set it on his desk. "Don't worry about it." As always.
Relationships: Karl Jacobs/Sapnap
Series: your favorite weapon (2001) [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143059
Comments: 24
Kudos: 259





	failure by design

**Author's Note:**

> title from the song 'failure by design' by brand new, off of their album 'your favorite weapon' (the name of the series)
> 
> i do not condone the actions of jesse lacey, he can choke
> 
> please ship privately, and mind the tags. enjoy 🖤

Quite early on in his life, Karl's family and peers realized he was anxious. Not in an all-consuming hypochondriac way, more like he just needed a little extra reassurance sometimes. Sometimes he was known to overthink things, but it wasn't a big deal. 

He stressed about logical things: his grades, his friends, and his parent's expectations regarding those two things. Everyone else seemed to be less stressed than him, though. Especially Sapnap. 

Sapnap was, on a surface level, a careless individual. He bought shitty weed from sketchy guys on the street, traded alcohol he stole from his dad for packs of cigarettes, and smoked both of those things both on and off school grounds. Sometimes Karl would find him before a cop did, other times they weren't as lucky. 

Dream originally used to help bail him out, too, but it became evident pretty early on that it wasn't going to stop anytime soon. The blonde grew tired of spending his afternoons picking up the pieces of Sapnap's latest adventure in self sabotage, and Karl watched as it tore both of them apart. It was hard, watching your friends lose each other. It was stressful, so he stressed. 

"You look like shit, dude, no offense." Sapnap says to him one afternoon, sitting down next to him in their shared Home Economics class. The teacher glares at him from across the room, but he seems unbothered by it. When he opens up his backpack, Karl notices bruises on his right hand. 

"Says you." He bites back, starting to chew on one of his nails. "What happened to your hand?" 

The younger boy freezes for a moment, then pulls the class binder out to set it on his desk. "Don't worry about it." As always. 

"How can I not worry about it?" Karl's voice rises, getting slightly hysterical. Sapnap lightly punches him in the arm with his good hand, and hushes him. The students around them are staring, the teacher is too. Karl puts his head down as his heart beats way too fast in his chest. 

They barely talk for the rest of the period, and when it's over Sapnap rushes to the door. Karl follows close behind him, and doesn't let the shorter boy shake him as they go through the halls. 

"Leave me alone, Jacobs." Sapnap calls behind him, taking a sharp right into the boy's bathroom. Karl doesn't even think before catching the door and going inside as well, and he grabs at Sapnap’s arm before he can go into a stall. 

"You need to talk to me, dude, this is getting stupid." 

"You're stupid. Let go of me." 

"You think I'm stupid? I think  _ you're _ stupid. Throwing your whole life away because you're butthurt your dad's never home." 

That was harsh. He knows that was harsh and unnecessary, but he can't take it back. Sapnap looks like he's imagining beating his face in, and Karl braces himself in case he actually does it. They've come close to it, but usually Karl lets him go when he gets stubborn like this. Not this time. 

"It's none of your fucking business what I do with my life. And fuck right off with that butthurt shit, you have no idea what's in my head." 

"Obviously I don't know what's in your head, because you never  _ tell me _ , nimrod. Maybe if you stopped closing yourself off and actually had a sober conversation for once in your life, I could help." 

Sapnap shoves him in the chest. He's shorter, but not by much, and he's far sturdier. "I don't need help. From you, or Dream, or anyone else. Mind your business." 

He walks out the door, and Karl lets him. Standing alone in the bathroom, he hangs his head. It hurts, and he rubs at his forehead idly as he tries to figure out what to do. For once there's nothing in his brain, just static. 

Eventually someone else comes into the bathroom, which is his cue to leave. He pulls his penny board out of his backpack and heads towards the parking lot. Sapnap is probably long gone by now, but Dream is standing by the bike racks talking to an underclassman. He beckons Karl over, without looking at him, and offers his fist when he arrives. Karl bumps it, and the kid leaves. 

"What was that about?" 

"You wanna crash a Freshman party tonight?" 

"I hate parties. And Freshmen." 

Dream rolls his eyes and gives him a shove. Usually the roughhousing doesn't bother him, but he's feeling sensitive from earlier, and Dream picks up on it. "As you should, hence the 'crashing' part of my proposal. What's got you so down today?" 

"Sapnap." He replies simply, and Dream hums thoughtfully. 

"Sometimes people need to get hurt to learn their lesson, man, you can't save 'em all." 

"I can try." 

He can tell Dream's air of disinterest is forced. He knows the guilt of not being able to help Sapnap is eating him alive. He also knows that it's suicide to try and get the youngest to listen to a word he says. 

"Just don't kill yourself in the process of trying to save him, alright? I can't lose two friends in one year." It's a heavy statement, but Karl knows he's right. 

To show solidarity, he goes to the party with Dream, and they loop George in too. The blonde kicks the door in when they're initially rejected, and after that, there's not much of a fight the Freshman can put up. George heads straight to the free alcohol, but Karl instead chooses to watch the people milling about. 

He sees a shaggy mop of dark brown hair, and he jumps and cranes his neck to see better. Obviously it's not Sapnap, he wouldn't be caught dead in a room with Karl right now. Maybe he's losing it a little. 

Dream raises an eyebrow at him, and chooses that moment to duck into the kitchen. Left to his own devices, Karl wanders the rooms of the houses with his brain running in overdrive. There are people all over each other, and a hot coil of desire sits in his stomach. Not for anything he could get here, but he leans against the wall and watches two girls make out regardless. 

He's left alone at first, but soon there's someone in his line of view. The hippie guy from earlier with the shaggy brown hair. Up close he can't believe he thought it was Sapnap, this kid is even shorter than the younger boy, and his eyes are crystal blue. He's eyeing Karl with a glint in his eye, and it makes him feel kind of sick. 

"Can I help you?" He asks, covering up his anxiety with a rude tone. 

The guy seems undeterred, and only comes closer. Karl tries to back up more, but he's pressed flush against a wall. A hand comes and pushes on his shoulder, and he tenses. 

"I think I can help you. I saw you looking at me earlier." 

Karl's breath comes quicker and he feels his throat start closing up. Using his height to his advantage, he shoves the guy off of him and ducks through the crowd. Once he's outside he can breathe again, and it comes in heavy gasps. 

"Oh my god. Oh my god." He pants, putting his hands on his knees and retching nothing onto the cold pavement. It shouldn't be a big deal, the guy barely touched him, but it's a tipping point. His mind is on overdrive, and all he can think is that the guy wanted to touch him, and had no qualms with forcing it. He wishes Sapnap could rub his shoulder until the stranger's touch disappears. 

It feels like time is skipping. Suddenly he's home in the living room with his parents, and they're asking about why he left the party early and he's answering that he didn't feel well. They say goodnight, feel better, and head to bed. He stands in the living room, twitching like a downed powerline. 

There’s another skip in time that brings him to Sapnap’s front door. He doesn't know what time it is, but there's no car in the driveway and the lights are on. There's a chance his father is home and he's about to get reamed for showing up so late at night, especially without any warning, but he can't think of what else to do. He’s out of breath and a little sweaty. Did he run?

Sapnap answers after a minute of knocking, and Karl drinks him in. Even though he knows he’s mad at him, he can’t help that seeing the brunette calms his racing heart just a little. The sound of his voice is in his ears, but his brain isn’t processing the words.

"Karl? Hello?" 

His eyes are tearing up, and instead of saying anything in response he just falls into the shorter boy, crushing him in his arms. Sapnap hugs him back despite how startled his face is. He pulls Karl inside and sits him on the couch after locking the door. Karl is an anxious mess, his hands shaking and his breathing still worryingly uneven. 

"I thought I was gonna die." He says, very undescriptively. Sapnap instantly has a hand on his shoulder, the same shoulder where he was touched. He sinks into it and laughs nervously. "Oh my god, I'm so glad you're here." 

"Karl, what the hell are you talking about?! You show up at my house at 11pm after I told you to leave me alone?!” Sapnap sounds angry, but Karl can tell it's thinly veiled concern. The emotional volatility of his friend feels safe, which is strange but not unexpected. 

"There was a guy at a party, he came onto me, freaked me out." He gets the words out through labored breaths, his heart rate slowly going back to normal as he recognizes that Sapnap is with him again. He's home. He's okay.

Sapnap looks mildly uncomfortable and shifts in his seat. "Yeah that's— that's super weird that a guy would assume you're, uh," He stutters on the last word, "gay." 

Karl blinks, "I just didn't want him to touch me." 

"Because you're not gay?" 

"Because he's not you." 

That was a stupid thing to say. Karl remembers, suddenly, where he is. In the living room of his emotionally compromised childhood best friend's house, in the South, in 2001. His brain catches up and flips out quickly: the gay panic defense, knowing Sapnap's dad has a gun, that Sophomore last year that got— 

The hand on his shoulder leaves, and it's like a punch to the gut. He quickly stands up from the couch, and flinches when Sapnap reaches for him. 

"Hey, hey, chill out. I'm not mad. I just wanna talk." 

Okay. This is good. Sapnap finally wants to talk to him. Time to talk.

"Yeah, I— I don't know why I said that. That was a really dumb thing to say. I guess I just realized that I care so much about why you’re ruining your life because I care about  _ you _ , you know? Like, a lot. I want you to be safe because I want you to be safe with me. I don’t want people to touch me because I just want you to touch me. It’s all connected, I guess, and it’s been connected this whole time.”

Sapnap is still holding his arm out to him, and Karl is still standing next to the couch as if he’s going to sprint for the door any second. His rambling finally ends, and he’s left staring wide eyed down at Sapnap, whose mouth is slightly open. The silence is heavy, but not entirely uncomfortable.

“Okay. That was a lot.” Sapnap takes a deep breath and looks away from Karl’s eyes, landing instead on the lamp behind his head. “Can you sit down please?”

Karl stays standing for a second, but when Sapnap looks at him again he caves and sits back down on the couch. He’s a little farther away this time, just in case.

“Sorry. You probably-”

“Hey, I can speak for myself, alright?” It’s not mean, it’s honest. Karl nods quickly and Sapnap continues. “First of all,  _ I’m  _ sorry. For… Everything. I’ve kind of gone off the deep end, especially this year, and I think I dragged everyone down with me when I was just trying to distance myself.”

He takes another deep breath and rubs the back of his neck.

“My dad being gone… It’s messing with me. I know I’m 16 and perfectly capable of fending for myself, but being alone in this house all the time is driving me crazy. He’s out on long haul drives all week, then comes home on the weekends and just sleeps. I don’t talk to anyone who’s not at school, just come home and sit in silence. It’s easier to bear it when I’m high, and people pay more attention to me when I’m getting in trouble.”

“You should have said something…” Karl starts, but Sapnap puts a hand on his knee and he stops thinking again.

“I didn’t want to say anything, okay? I wanted to do it myself, which was dumb, but you… I think you just changed my mind.”

The hand on his knee plays out and grips his leg a little harder. Karl feels his face heat up as Sapnap leans in a little closer to him.

“I… I did?”

“Yeah.” Sapnap says a little quieter, and his eyes are half lidded now as he comes in even closer. “I think I’d be okay with help, if it was you.”

Karl swallows, and dares to lean in as well. Their noses brush until he tilts his head, and he sucks in a breath as Sapnap kisses him. It’s so gentle, completely different from how they were acting earlier at school. The hand on his leg moves up a little more, and his other hand cups his face as he pulls away just to press back in.

He thinks he’s skipping through time again, but for a good reason now. He’s not sure if they’ve been kissing for milliseconds or hours; time is meaningless. Karl moves his own hands: one to the back of Sapnap’s neck, the other to his shoulder. His eyes are shut tight, and he kisses him again and again and again.

“Hey.” Sapnap whispers the next time they stop to breathe. They keep their faces close, like they’re swapping secrets. Maybe they are. “I meant what I said, about you helping me. I wanna get better, not just for you, but for everyone.”

“Even yourself?”

“Yeah. For me too.”

**Author's Note:**

> this one is a bit of a doozy! the next thing i have planned for this series is much more lighthearted, but if u have listened to the album u know it's fairly angsty.
> 
> remember to kudos/comment if u enjoyed! it means a lot to me
> 
> follow me on twitter if u want, @_selvish


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